Why is it that I go kicking and screaming every single time that the Lord is doing a deeper work in me?
My rants are nothing more than fear that I can’t live up to his high expectations for me. I sometimes get so close to reaching that next level in the Lord, and then, I promptly sabotage myself and say, now you know, Grace, that you couldn’t possibly do what the Lord is calling you to do, because you haven’t been properly trained to do so great a task. If I’m not careful, I can convince myself that obviously God is making a grave mistake,so why should I move forward?
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to grow in the Lord; I wanted that more than anything, because I knew that my relationship with Jesus Christ would bring eternal life, hope and peace. But, I was hesitant to make that leap of faith, knowing that too often that when I had my focus right, and my hopes high, that I was blindsided with disappointment and rejection.
At least that’s how I thought about growing in the Lord, before I stopped running from the Lord; I reached a place in my journey back to the Lord, that I was genuinely happy, but I was so fearful that it would end, just like it had always ended before. It’s as if my being happy could only be temporary, and in the next breath that I took, a major wave of despair could overtake me.
Now, I don’t want to talk doom and gloom, but for a long time after I repented and was baptized in Jesus name, I stayed safely comfortable in the presence of the Lord, serving God, teaching Sunday School, singing in the choir, writing the Lattereign, even, and doing the work of the Lord ( Isn’t that what all good Christians are supposed to do?); however, I never took great risks with my place in the Lord, when that is exactly what the Lord was calling me to do. He wanted me to trust him, and to lean not on my own understanding.
Wait, trusting God meant that I should be willing to endure hardship, or rejection, if it meant that I could be a light to someone?
It wasn’t pleasant; it wasn’t desirable; it wasn’t what I wanted: to be shut down by people who adamantly defied what I stood for, but it was where God was taking me. Rather than miss the most important calling in my life, to do the will of the Lord, I chose to trust God. I’m so thankful that I do trust the Lord. I have found it to be easier to just listen to his direction, than it is to turn away and try to struggle with situations on my own.
There is no peace like the peace of God; there is no joy, like the joy that the Lord gives; there is no hope, like the hope we have when we make a commitment to follow Christ. He has called us friend, but even more than that, I am his daughter, and there is no good thing that he will keep from me. I have learned not to react to every fiery dart that may be thrown at me, but to take up my spiritual weapons, honor Christ, and fight the good fight of faith. As a child of God, we already know the outcome of the battle: we win.
This week’s Lattereign is about Obeying God.