“Thy mercy, O Lord, is in the heavens; and thy faithfulness reacheth unto the clouds.” Psalm 36:5
I think about how many times I started to write and found that the words would not come. Is it just a dream, or will I have the faith to step out and do something effective? How many lives will be changed as a result of my efforts? I feel so inadequate; but didn’t Moses feel that way before he had to face 40 years in the desert with the responsibility of shepherding the complaining Israelites?
I want to go beyond the mediocre walk with God, but it doesn’t come without sacrifice. What have I brought for a sacrifice?
Broken dreams and shattered hopes. Disappointments and bruised emotions. I brought it all; and gathered it carefully–so fragile, and yet, as I lay it at your feet there is peace. There is a well beginning to spring up within my soul and it’s going to reach the top, someday. It will open up to reveal who I really am; the light of your love will search the deepest parts of my soul, and expose the very depths of my relationship with you.
Will I like what I see? Will there be something to cling to once it has been tried by fire? or, will it all vanish away like my dreams and hopes as a child: to write; to be heard; to be understood?
from journal entry July 3, 2005